So after lying in bed for 3 hours I got up. What else am I to do? I don't want to get involved in reading a book, besides my eyes are burning. I'm exhausted. I want sleep. I crave sleep. I feel I could fall over from exhaustion but then my head hits the pillow and I'm awake. I dread how early morning will come. Its Christmas. As soon as Jilly is conscious enough to realize Santa will have already been here there will be shrieks and screams of joy! and well worth it for her I might add. She is getting a pretty nice bundle from that Jolly old Elf. Its weird doing Christmas just the three of us. I think its the first time that has ever happened.
The first year Korey and I were married it was the 2 of us. The second year~I don't remember. I'll have to think about that. I am fairly certain that John was living with us. and that it might have been the year mom and dad went to texas and we entertained the folks who were around here at our place. The year after that I was on bed rest and couldn't do anything. Korey cooked the whole meal. I don't remember much of anything about it, if there were people here or not. If I remember right Cheryl and Josh were living here at the time. The next year, Korey was gone over Christmas so Jilly and I flew to Florida. The next year Min-Ji joined us for the first time. The year after that we added Jae-Min and Sung-Min. the year after that Min-Ji came home again for Christmas and we had Jae-Min, Sung-Min and Dae-ho. Last year we were at mom's and this year it's just Korey Jilly and I. It was a nice night. we all cooked dinner together. I had a break down and bawled for a bit. Then put on my apron and went back to work. the Ham was delicious. The potatoes and corn perfect. the new pasta Salad was pretty good, but not worthy of Christmas dinner repetition.
I said lets just let the dishes sit. Korey mentioned it would be a good 3 days before we got to them then. I said would that be so bad? I guess not.
I just felt so down, my energy was low...and I heard my mom say to me, "You'll feel better if you just get them done" So I unloaded the dishwasher, Korey joined in we loaded, and then he washed the rest, I dried and put away. Mom was right. It felt better. I felt better and now when we go down to see mom and pop Christensen, we won't be coming home to a messy house. the dishes are done.
Did it feel like Christmas eve? There were a couple of moments that did. I could tell Jilly felt every bit of its magic, and Korey was relishing the warmth of the holiday. I did okay. I made it wonderful even though I didn't feel it. and now having sipped my warm milk I suppose the only smart thing to do is to go crawl back in bed and see if maybe this time elusive sleep will find me. it's 3 am. any bets for what time Jilly will get up? she was so excited she didn't fall asleep until just after 10:30. it took 4 stories. 3 lullabies, an entire sleep CD, then her own lullaby CD back on, a massage with lavander oil and meditation and deep breathing. I finally said if you can hold still for 4 minutes I bet you'll be asleep. She finally held still and before the first minute was over she was out.
She's so excited about Christmas and I am so happy that despite my personal grief and my own inability to really get into Christmas I have created a magical experience for my daughter where she gets all that wonderment, the joy the thrill of it all the the excitement of seeing that Santa brought you exactly what you asked for...and then some.
I am excited to see her face when she realized she got exactly what she wished for.
I'm also really looking forward to sleep. Please merry christmas to me and bring on the ZZZzzzzz's
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